Persuading the Uncooperative: A Tale of Influence

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No matter who you are, whether you are the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or the development coordinator at a local animal shelter, there comes a time when you need to work with someone who is uncooperative. Maybe even someone who isn’t “nice.” (It could even be a donor – gasp!)

And, of course, this is usually the exact same person you have zero authority to bend to your will.

Most of us understand the concept of reciprocity in relationships. If I do something for you, then you’ll do something for me. But knowing how to do that well in the (sometimes toxic) workplace can be really challenging for a lot of us. What works well in one workplace can bomb in another. And when the person you need to cooperate is hostile? Yikes!

What can you do about this? Go ask Deborah Drucker.

Deborah was a participant in the Prospect Research Institute’s Approach to Prospecting course and during a class discussion on communication with development officers she recommended the book, Influence Without Authority by Allan R. Cohen and David L. Bradford.

(Nota bene: This often happens in the Institute’s class meetings. The robust life experiences of participants interact with course materials and discussion to create unique learning opportunities.)

I bought the book. It’s pretty dry. And yet, the first chapter has been revelatory!

Step one on being persuasive? “Assume all are potential allies.”

It sounds so simple. And yet, it felt like being cattle-branded!

(Disclaimer: I don’t really know what that feels like, but recognizing past mistakes can be acutely painful.)

One thing I had not considered before is that my failure to persuade an uncooperative person could have been my own fault. (Ouch!)

Here are some of the things that have gone through my head at various points in my career:

  • She will NEVER help me with anything!
  • How can he NOT understand that this has to be done? Is he stupid? Doesn’t he care about making this project successful?
  • Look how she gives him whatever he wants, just because he flatters her. That is disgusting! I will NEVER do that.
  • That report had NOTHING of value in it–just a pretty cover. Mine was full of real insights and actions to take. How could he fall for a pretty cover? That’s just ridiculous!
  • I’ve seen him humiliate people who put ideas forward. My idea would work, but there is NO WAY I am going to say a word. It’s not worth it.

Every single one of those statements is pretty close to things I have actually thought. And hopefully it’s( painfully) obvious how I was the one standing in the way of getting what I wanted.

“Assume all are potential allies.”

How ambitious are you? How passionate are you about your mission or your career, really?

The next time you have to get a report from IT and the person is uncooperative, or you need another team member to step-up to complete a project on time who has sabotaged you before, seriously consider whether your attitude or perception of the situation could be the problem.

If you are able to set aside your emotions (don’t throw them away; they are still valuable) and become curious about what motivates the other person, you will have begun stepping out of your own way.

And if you are eager and in a good mindset to learn more about how to Influence Without Authority, Deborah and I highly recommend the book!

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